Drew Magary's posts - German uPOST

Respect Is Poison: A Message To The Class Of 2019 Respect Is Poison: A Message To The Class Of 2019

I have a story to tell you about being Mad Online. This isn’t really a fitting, celebratory story for you, the graduating class of 2019. You’re currently clad in your caps and your gowns, surrounded by loved ones, forced to endure one final round of grueling lectures from a cadre of respected graduation day speakers,…

What Is The Ideal NBA Finals Result For Haters? What Is The Ideal NBA Finals Result For Haters?

Today, we’re talking about bad bathrooms, breakfast in bed, rugby, Game of Thrones, and more. 

The Night The Lights Went Out The Night The Lights Went Out

“Pieces were stolen from me Or dare I say… given away?”

What Are The Degrees Of Raining? What Are The Degrees Of Raining?

Today, we’re talking about J.R.R. Tolkien, OK symbols, plastic knives, beer cans, and more.

An Interview With A Man Who Eats Leftover Food From Strangers' Plates In Restaurants An Interview With A Man Who Eats Leftover Food From Strangers' Plates In Restaurants

Alex is a 43-year-old San Franciscan who works in the financial sector. He also eagerly eats uneaten and untouched leftover food off of plates if he spots it out in the open at a public dining establishment, even if it’s off a stranger’s plate. He forages in an urban setting, you might say. I called Alex on the phone…

Where’s The Worst Place On Your Body To Put Your Sunglasses When You’re Not Wearing Them? Where’s The Worst Place On Your Body To Put Your Sunglasses When You’re Not Wearing Them?

Today, we’re talking about old man farts, parking apps, Florida, road trips, cupcakes, and more.

I Listened To Vampire Weekend For The First Time Today And I Regret It I Listened To Vampire Weekend For The First Time Today And I Regret It

Vampire Weekend dropped a new album today, which is big news in rock because, well, apparently this is the best that rock can offer at this very moment. You might remember Vampire Weekend from when they emerged on the scene over a decade ago, dressing like 1996 and distinguishing themselves from other twee indie rock…

Playing In New York Doesn’t Matter To Athletes Anymore Playing In New York Doesn’t Matter To Athletes Anymore

Today, we’re talking about Woj, golf nets, bank cafes, Ichiro, pizza rolls, and more.

An Incomplete List Of Things I Can Never Do Again An Incomplete List Of Things I Can Never Do Again

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here.

Should A TV Room Really Have More Than One TV? Should A TV Room Really Have More Than One TV?

Today, we’re talking about science fiction, playoff seeding, mortadella, microwaves, and more.

What Is The Best Plate Shape? What Is The Best Plate Shape?

Today, we’re talking about Game of Thrones, pizza pilgrimages, movie knowers, bad candy bars, and more.

Un-Fucking-Real Un-Fucking-Real

He was finished. He was disgraced, hobbled, and eaten alive by the ravages of both fame and time. His story was over; it was simply a matter how clumsily it would end and how long it would take for that end to finally arrive.

The Terrible Private Highway Racket Is Coming For My House The Terrible Private Highway Racket Is Coming For My House

You probably missed it because it falls squarely within the genre of normal, pre-2016 government malfeasance, but this week, according to the Washington Post, Maryland state Senator Nancy King (D) shot down a bill that would have made it more difficult for the state’s Republican governor to add toll lanes to the…

When Is The Best Time To Take A Dump? When Is The Best Time To Take A Dump?

Today, we’re talking about wallets, watching sports alone, asshole coaches, and more.

Confessions Of A Tooth Grinder Confessions Of A Tooth Grinder

I grind my teeth at night. This is because I live in America, and every day living here tells my subconscious that it would be a wise idea for me to bite clean through my own jaw. I had no idea that I was doing this until years ago when my old dentist, a very nice man who would accidentally fart out loud while…

They’re Gonna Fuck Up This New Joker Movie And I’m Already Annoyed They’re Gonna Fuck Up This New Joker Movie And I’m Already Annoyed

In theory, I am the ideal target audience for this new Joker trailer because I am the kind of broad-minded jackass who would shell out $12 for anything Joker-related, and because I’m one of five people who won’t openly recoil at the idea of a gritty PG-13 Joker origin story shot exclusively as an homage to old…

Onions, Ranked Onions, Ranked

Today, we’re talking about pizza, worst places to die, the NCAA tournament, and more.

Would You Rather Be
Born Old Or Die Young? Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?

Today, we’re talking about Scott Van Pelt, rich assholes in space, flipping the bird, and more.

My Kids Won’t Stop Gaslighting Me My Kids Won’t Stop Gaslighting Me

If you’ve been around these internet parts for the past few years, you know all about gaslighting, wherein people stand behind a lie so fervently that they compel others to believe it as well, leaving marks unsure as to what is true and what really is the name of Apple CEO Tim Apple.

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