Billy Haisley's posts - German uPOST

Woman Who Coaches Men's Soccer Team Responds To Sexist Question: "I Pick My Team On Dick Length" Woman Who Coaches Men's Soccer Team Responds To Sexist Question: "I Pick My Team On Dick Length"

In late December, German soccer club BV Cloppenburg handed the reins of their fifth-division men’s team to Imke Wübbenhorst, making her the first woman to coach a German men’s team at that high of a level. You could probably imagine some of the moronic questions Wübbenhorst has had to field in light of her new gig,…

Deadspin Up All Night: Stuck A Fork Through His Nuts Deadspin Up All Night: Stuck A Fork Through His Nuts

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Keep on keeping on.

It's Beginning To Feel Like Manchester United Are Back It's Beginning To Feel Like Manchester United Are Back

There’s not a chance in hell Manchester United win the Premier League this season. The odds of them accomplishing what should be the bare minimum for the richest club in the world—finishing in the Champions League places—are better, but hardly great. Barring multiple calamities on the part of a couple fellow members…

Dejan Lovren Suspended For Calling Sergio Ramos, Spain Players "Pussies" Dejan Lovren Suspended For Calling Sergio Ramos, Spain Players "Pussies"

According to the Liverpool Echo, UEFA has suspended Croatia and Liverpool defender Dejan Lovren for one international match because of a postgame Instagram Live rant Lovren went on recently in which he bragged about elbowing Sergio Ramos and called the Spain national team “a bunch of pussies.”

VAR Shat All Over Yesterday's Tottenham-Chelsea League Cup Match VAR Shat All Over Yesterday's Tottenham-Chelsea League Cup Match

Tottenham beat Chelsea in the first leg of their League Cup semifinal tie yesterday by a score of 1-0 thanks to a video replay-awarded penalty decision that was so comprehensively terrible that it had both managers trashing VAR after the match.

Finnish Soccer Player Refuses To Join National Team Camp In Qatar Because Qatar Is Evil Finnish Soccer Player Refuses To Join National Team Camp In Qatar Because Qatar Is Evil

Riku Riski, a forward who plays for HJK Helsinki and the Finland national team, recently turned down an invitation to a national team training camp held in Qatar. Today, Finnish paper the Helsingin Sanomat reports that Riski rejected the call-up due to ethical concerns with the infamously human rights-abusing nation.

Deadspin Up All Night: Want The Winning Team Deadspin Up All Night: Want The Winning Team

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

Hopefully We've Seen The Last Of Neymar's God-Awful Fake Dreadlocks Hopefully We've Seen The Last Of Neymar's God-Awful Fake Dreadlocks

Elaborate hairstyles of both the well- and ill-advised variety have been a constant throughout Neymar’s career. And while we’ve enjoyed seeing his shift away from the perms he once constantly rocked in favor of more natural, kinky looks in recent years, we hope to God that yesterday’s debut of his abominable fake…

Franck Ribéry Defends Right To Eat Salt Bae's Garbage, Tells His Haters' Grandmothers And Mothers To Get Fucked

No sane person would flush gold down a toilet, nor would one consume gold-encrusted meat, but Bayern Munich forward Franck Ribéry essentially did both when he filmed himself at a Dubai restaurant preparing to put a steak flecked with the precious metal into what he later demonstrated to be his potty mouth.

Manchester City Beat Liverpool And The Shit Just Got Real Manchester City Beat Liverpool And The Shit Just Got Real

The act of playing soccer is so impressive because it involves 11 individuals combining their very specific and often disparate skills to create a amoeba-like whole that can progress a ball up and down a large field and into a goal using only its 22 feet while a competing body tries to stand in its way. What makes the…

Hot Damn, Chelsea Just Bought Christian Pulisic For A Shit-Ton Of Money Hot Damn, Chelsea Just Bought Christian Pulisic For A Shit-Ton Of Money

The rumor mill has been in overdrive these past few weeks about Christian Pulisic’s future, and today we got official confirmation of a move that still feels a little shocking: Premier League giants Chelsea have purchased the artist formally known as America’s Wonderteen from Borussia Dortmund for a whopping €64…

Mamma Mia, That's A Spicy Own Goal!

Italian soccer found itself beset by the twin scourges of violence and racism yesterday, which is maybe fortunate for Ascoli goalkeeper Filippo Perucchini, since his humiliating own goal in a Serie B match against Palermo today would’ve definitely been front-page news in less violent and racist times. Because boy, was…

Inter Forced To Play Two Matches In Closed Stadium For Having Racist Shithead Fans Inter Forced To Play Two Matches In Closed Stadium For Having Racist Shithead Fans

This year, Italy’s Serie A adopted the English tradition of holding matches on the day after Christmas, known as Boxing Day, in hopes of showing off its domestic product to the widest possible set of eyeballs. Of course, as the hopefully embarrassed country came to realize, showing off the glories of Italian soccer…

Brilliant Shithead Hatem Ben Arfa Is Yet Again Back From The Dead

It was three years ago that Hatem Ben Arfa, the supremely talented and infamously knuckleheaded French attacker, was in the midst of a career resurrection. Since then, Ben Arfa’s seen his career buried once again by the shitheadedness that has all too often overshadowed his immense gifts. And yet, like a zombie too…

How On God's Green Earth Did This Ball Not Go In?

AZ Alkmaar plastered PEC Zwolle in the Dutch Cup today by a score of 5-0. However, due to some wicked backspin and an insanely precise smack off the crossbar and the possible imposition of dark magic, AZ forward Mats Seuntjins’s 15th-minute strike somehow was not one of those five goals:

José Mourinho's Failed Tenure At Manchester United Is Finally Over José Mourinho's Failed Tenure At Manchester United Is Finally Over

After two-and-a-half bad and boring seasons at Manchester United, the club announced today in some euphemistic language that manager José Mourinho has been tossed out on his ass. This decision to get rid of Mourinho is both overdue and yet still surprising, which says so much about the ruinous state of what was once…

This Is How Liverpool Will Win The Premier League This Is How Liverpool Will Win The Premier League

Liverpool are legitimate contenders to win all the big trophies this season for the simple reason that their starting lineup is crammed full of players who are amongst the very best at their positions. Mohamed Salah, Virgil van Dijk, Alisson, Trent Alexander-Arnold, the forward line generally, the full back tandem…

Paulo Dybala Learns What It's Like To Play With Cristiano Ronaldo

Here is what would’ve been Paulo Dybala’s equalizing wondergoal in the last seconds of Juventus’s 2-1 loss to Young Boys in the Champions League yesterday, if only the referee hadn’t ruled it out for Cristiano Ronaldo’s offside interference, which maybe/probably wouldn’t have been called had Ronaldo not saw Dybala’s…

It Must Suck So Hard To Be A Manchester United Fan It Must Suck So Hard To Be A Manchester United Fan

Try, if only for a moment, to go inside the mind of a Manchester United fan.

Deadspin Up All Night: It's Mad Drama Deadspin Up All Night: It's Mad Drama

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

More Billy Haisley's posts »

Language